Adam Fucking Frantz

Letter #2: June 5th, 2012

It’s the day before my sentencing and I feel the nerves throughout my entire body every time the thought crosses my mind.  An energy released throughout my body, causing my palms to sweat, pulse to quicken, mind to race.  The what-ifs are absolutely endless.  The negative thoughts try to pull me down like sinking in thick wet mud.  My mind races.  Person to person, faces flashing.  What will I miss?  What will go on beyond my control?  I am so concerned of the negative effects my actions will bestow upon my loved ones.  The grey hairs I’ve caused, the worry lines developed, the mental preoccupation.  Never has the ripple effect had such pronounced residual impact in my life.  The waves of my actions crashing over everyone around me.
I thought this wouldn’t happen to me.  I thought I was making a calculated risk that could only end in my favor.  My pompous ideas collapsed underneath me like an avalanche, suffocating everyone below with the heavy unexpected news falling on them like a wave of wet snow.  I now face, certainly, the hardest time of my life.
After spending my recent past depending almost entirely on myself, thinking I couldn’t rely on others, I will be sent to an environment where I physically will be on my own.  However, I am learning now that I can depend on my loved ones.  Spiritually they keep me alive-giving me smiles, remembrances of times gone by and daydreams of times still to come.  I now truly feel what I was told by my great elders, life is about your loved ones.  Your occupation, your possessions are merely filler.  Taking the time to enjoy the natural world and its beings fills your heart.  Appreciating the things we take for granted is where we find true beauty.  A flower leaning to bask in the sunlight and the bumblebee perfectly created for its task of gathering its pollen.  The deafening silence deep in the woods.  Water rushing over rocks, carrying a leaf, fallen from a tree, creating oxygen for us to breathe.  Take not of what has and will continue to exist without humans.  Our jobs, houses, cars, clothing – certainly are necessary in today’s culture – but they are not the things that feed our souls.  Never let yourself be too consumed in the material existence.
Recognize your role and what you reap from this but keep in the front of your mind what is truly important, what truly makes you happy, the reason you go through this daily rat-race.  Be mindful.  Remain conscious of the time passing by each day and how you’ve spent it.  If everything were to be taken away from you tomorrow, would you be at peace with how your time was spent?  Would you regret your actions?  Your interactions?  Your lack of actions?  How many things would you wish that you’d done?  Do not let opportunity pass you by.  Take the time and make the effort to do the things that are truly important.  Seize the moment, the hour, the day, the month, the year.  Seize your life, for it is yours. Enjoy life for what it is – precious time on the green earth with those you care for and that care for you.  Of course we cannot all be ascetics without possessions – fasting, thinking and waiting, life has responsibility and we must accept that.  But do not be consumed by the things that hold no merit in our last days, for we know now when our last days come.  Assess your life.  Think of where you are.  Appreciate who you are with. Appreciate and understand who you are.  Know and develop yourself to be the person you wish to be.  Be the master of your destiny.  Keep positive thoughts in your mind and think with each step you take.  Allow your minds eye to see the world and guide you to really see.

Love this life, love each other, love yourself.
-AFF 6/5/12

7 Responses to “Letter #2: June 5th, 2012”

  • Nikki:

    Love your face. Love your thoughts. Love you like a rock.

    • Steve:

      Love does concour all. I have to wait until later this year or early next to get my immigration set up for Lisa and have her in my arms again. Its not 5 years but time apart is time apart. Hang tuff you two.. I am rooting for you both. Let me know how I can help if need be other than money which I will send as promised. Also can Adam get visitors? If so where is his final place of housing? I will be in Rhode Island later this summer.

      (A popular quote when Turkish judges hand down sentences)

  • Liz:

    Awesome in its truest sense.

  • emom:

    It’s strange that we can learn these beautiful lessons of existance in so many different ways. You have created a most amazing tribute to life & love & I pray all who read it will understand & absorb the truths in it. You truely are one of the ‘special gifts’ to all of us Adam & my prayers are with you daily. donna

  • Ernestos:

    Thanks for this. It’s easy for all of us to lose sight of what’s really important. I will use this as a reminder. I hope your hanging in there. I’m looking forward to your future posts.

  • Tokyo rose:

    Had it right the first time ernie

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