Adam Fucking Frantz

Letter #13 – January 6th, 2014

When I was in my late twenties I was, what I thought of as, very unattached. I had a lot going on in my life, between my career, my part-time job and my other “job”, so I wasn’t left with a lot of free time. Relationships weren’t really something that I wanted to squeeze into my list of activities or priorities. I had interactions with a number of nice young women but it was never anything serious…to me anyway. I was always very up-front with them so they knew I was not, nor would I be, getting into a committed relationship. I had a night or two a week at most that I could spare for dinner and perhaps some recreational activities afterward, but that was it.
I lived this way for a while and it never seemed to be the cause of many problems. I had the interaction and affection that was much needed in my very busy, sometimes stressful life. I thought that I was being super honest and open, so I couldn’t be faulted for my behavior. We would have fun together but it was very non-committal. Some were okay with it, others were not. Some thought I would change…I sure didn’t plan on it.
I had a lot of friends that were in monotonous…I mean monogamous relationships with a steady-girlfriend or wife. Often when I was out hanging with the boys, or the guys at work, I would always crack on them about it.
“How’s that ‘same old thing’ treating ya bud? You getting sick of that yet?”
They would tell me that it wasn’t that bad, and there was more to it than that, and someday I would understand.
“Man I was out with this girl last night, a different one the night before; there’s another one coming over tonight and possible try-outs for a new girl next week!” I’d reply. Obviously pleased with myself. Then I continued…
“I don’t know how you guys go home to the SAME.DAMN.THING.EVERY.NIGHT! That’s like eating the same thing for lunch every day for the rest of your life! Are you going to eat a ham sandwich every day for the next forty years?!”
There was no convincing me that I was going to find that appealing someday. No thank you.
Then one day things changed for me…in a lot of ways. My life took a pretty big change in direction and I started thinking about what I wanted from my future. I was still doing my casual thing but a new lady had been introduced to my life. She was fun, energetic, smart and knew what she wanted in life. She was opinionated and outspoken, and worldly even. What started out as a casual relationship with us turned into something more serious pretty quickly. I had never spent so much time with a woman and had so much fun. We laughed and laughed. Went on adventures and trips and discovered a lot about each other, and ourselves, on the way.
Before I knew it I had this one girl spending FIVE nights a week with me and the other girls were falling by the wayside. Soon enough I realized that I, Adam Fucking Frantz, had a girlfriend…and I was happy about it. I had my very own Ham Sammich. This was something new, but I embraced it and let it happen. I decided that having that same old lunch every day might not be such a bad thing …. shoot, I could always put some spicy mustard on there once in a while, right?! Once I decided that this was really what I wanted, I went out to see my buddy Tony and got a ham sandwich tattooed on my forearm. Yep. Ham, lettuce, tomato, and yellow cheese on toasted bread. That sandwich is always there, always reminding me of what I have to look forward to EVERY.DAY.FOREVER.FOR.THE.REST.OF.MY.LIFE!
A lot of people in jail tell me how good it looks, because we’re starving half the time. Some people refer to me by it “Hey Hammy!” But they all agree that it’s a pretty cool tattoo and a great story to go with. I have to agree.

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